Mal wieder eine Illustration, inspiriert von Aljoscha Jelineks Kurzgeschichten über seine diversen Tode:
Hank, der internationale zeit- und raumreisende T-Rex!
(und hier gehts zu „Aljoscha Dies“-Illustration #1)
“Keep the arms, where I can bite them off, Mister!”
“Hey, Can´t you see the pedestrian light is red.”, the stranger with the old fashioned hat shouted at him.
Jelinek kept on walking to cross the street. He didn´t care about these silly red lights. Why should he? He owned a fairly decent set of eyes.
“It´s none of your Business, Mister.” Jelinek didn´t even bother to look back at him.
However, the elder man wasn’t finished teaching Jelinek a surely well-deserved lesson about good citizenship.
“You are walking over a red light, young man! That´s against the law.” The man seemed awfully sure to hold the moral high ground here. Jelinek froze in his step. That was enough.
He took a deep breath.
“Well…” Jelinek had to force himself to keep his calm. It was just an old man after all.
“Well…FUCK YOU, Mister Zombie-Nazi!” Never worked.
“For once in your sorry-ass life try to think for yourself, will ya? Do you see a car, a bicycle? Why should I stand around like a fool, because some stupid light tells me? Look, it´s red and I´am dancing in the middle of the street. Who cares?”
“Mister, calm down…”
“Calm down? Hell, no!” Jelinek said.”How brainwashed are you idiots anyway? People like you are all dumb sheep…. SHEEPLE, thats what you should be called. Always clinging on to your stupid laws and nonsensical rules, because you are too lazy to question authority, to actually think about the big issues of life. You believe, just because laws were written by some fat fucker behind a big desk, they have to be true and valid? Listen to me, you walking tomato. Let me tell you something about the world, let me tell you how it really works…. “
Even though the old man was insulted by this strange boy, he couldn’t deny that there was some eternal wisdom in his words. He would listen what Jelinek had to say: Maybe this screaming crazy was the keeper of some greater truth, maybe…
“Dinosaurs are behind everything!” Jelinek said.
“Freaking Dinosaurs call the shots behind the scenes. Every law, which was ever contrived by humanity were manufactured by giant lizards. Every politician is in their pocket, every newspaper just writes what they want them to write.
Conspiracies, all true, all of them.“
“But my ass. They did it: 9/11, a triceratops was the mastermind behind it. The landing on the moon, just a movie shot by a stegosaurus. Who are we to let a reptile with a walnut brain decide what we do? Think about it, God Damnit. Thats all I want.”
And that´s what the man did. It was weird, but this young man seemed just so sincere in his believes. Everything made sense once of a sudden.
The man´s thought process suddenly got distracted by the fact that a huge dimensional rift in the fabric of space and time opened at the other side of the street. Jelinek turned around. An eight ton Tyrannosaurus Rex stepped out of the dimensional portal. The old man expected a big flashy roar from the giant lizard, but the reptile didn´t look wild at all at a closer look. A huge red tie hung around reptile´s massive neck and the clipboard and the pen looked just totally Kafka in his tiny arms.
The prehistoric reptile calmly stomped over to Jelinek.
“Mr Jelinek, we meet again.” The Tyrannosaurus Rex said as he wrote something on his clipboard.
“Yeah, I know. Just give me the ticket.”
“Well, that´s already your third time this month, Mr.Jelinek. Did you eat enough bananas?”
“I told you a hundred times, Inspector: Not all of us like bananas. Give me the ticket and I will be on my way.”
The tyrannosaurus licked his teeth, each of them roughly as big as one of Jelinek´s fists.
“I´am afraid a ticket won´t suffice in your case Mr. Jelinek. People start to listen to you.”
“ So what? Let them know the truth.”
“Tz, tz Mr Jelinek. You remind me of someone, a few thousand years ago. I personally handled that case. A small, little hippy, talked too much. About truth, justice , nonsense like that.”
“Did he have a beard and long hair?” Jelinek asked.
“ Can´t remember. You all look alike to me. He tasted good though, especially his hands: Like fish bread! Anyway, you know the game. Three strikes and you are out. I hope you understand what I have to do now. “
“Of course, Inspector. You just do your job.”
“Nothing personal, Mr Jelinek!”
The T-rex opened his gigantic jaw, a fragrance of blood and melon mint drops hit Jelinek in the face. Running was out of question, nobody can outrun a time and space traveling dinosaur.
Aljoscha Jelinek, famous German prophet, eaten by Hank Limestone, very hungry T-Rex agent of the super secret I.A.L.M.C. (Inter-dimensional Agency for Lower Mammal Control).